Whose Light of Mine?

My name is Amy Mae or as my daughter often now calls me, Mommy Mae. I was once a young single woman who really believed I could do ANYTHING and had a light within my spirit that could shine through even my darkest of moments….one in which I truly believed God blessed me with. I lived for adventure, adrenalin rushes, overcoming challenges and obstacles, trying new things and most of all….chasing my dreams. Dreams were what my life was made of for as long as I can remember. Dreams of being a famous country singer on a stage in front of thousands. Dreams of having a successful motivational speaking career helping and motivating as many as I possibly could. Dreams of enough money not to worry and to be able to give to all of my family. Dreams of being someone and going somewhere BIG! After years of being a new kid in town and struggling with low self esteem as a child and teenager, I felt that I had finally come into my own in my twenties and was on a path to all of those dreams coming true, not to mention for the first time in my life, I was starting to feel comfortable in my own skin. And then it all changed.

I am a survivor of stranger stalking; a situation that terribly affected and changed my entire life and who I was forever. As I rebuilt the pieces of me that were left after that 2 year ordeal I struggled tremendously with identifying with who this new person was within my body and mind. Although I had changed completely, the fighter and the lover of life within me got through it. I fell in love, got married, and became a step-mother to a teenage son and a mother to a toddler. I don’t perform anymore, my speaking is minimal, I gained more pounds than I can count, I avoid adventure or anything that gets my adrenalin going too much, I have a list of fears I’ve wanted to overcome that has been hiding on a shelf for over 5 years, I struggle to get by financially sometimes and as most wives and mothers out there, I do everything for everyone around me but me.

Two years ago one of my best friends, Erin Van Dyke, died of breast cancer. I promised her that I would live my life to the very fullest again for her and for me. I also made this promise to my sweet little girl when she was born, just after Erin’s passing. The most important thing in life to me is being the best mom I can be. What I lost track of was that in doing that, I first have to be the best ME that I can be. I’ve done a terrible job of keeping my promise to Erin and my daughter. When looking at myself in the mirror recently I realized that I honestly didn’t like who I’ve become. I couldn’t really see that “light” anymore within me, but a small part of me could still feel it within my spirit. I knew something had to change. I wanted more for myself but also for my family. As I struggled for the last several months to determine how to let that “light” out again, I decided on this blog and appropriately so decided to call it “This Little Light of Mine.” One of my favorite songs of all time and the song I sang often to Erin during my last week with her.

Now I realize to many of you out there, if you even find this blog, that maybe I’m nobody special. After all, I am just a mother, a wife, a small business owner and a gal who occasionally gets paid to speak to others but most commonly talks too much just because that’s who I am. I am chasing the American dream like most out there. I’ve had some major trials and tribulations and have lived through many highs and lows as most people have in their own lives. I do however; have an incredible love for life and the human spirit. I also have a true passion for encouraging and empowering others, especially women. I’m not a feminist, far from it. But I am a strong woman and one in which that wants to continue to grow to be stronger and to share that journey in hopes of motivating and encouraging others. I don’t believe God gives us life experiences just so we can shove them under a rock; never learning or sharing from those moments or things we call our lives.

So that’s what this blog is all about…..a mom, a wife, a girl who doesn’t love her body enough and one who faces the ups and downs of life as a woman in this world just trying to find her place, or at least the best way she can to get through each and every day in a positive way. I hope that in the process you will join me as I find again and share the journey to “This Little Light of Mine.”