Well the absence of my blog since last week says it all....life as usual is NUTS! I have basically been sick for the last 3 weeks, most recently with really bad bronchitis, and have had a toddler struggling with ear infections again. With each day that passed I kept thinking that I should write a blog, but just didn’t feel up to it. And this made me have yet again, a huge realization within myself.
I started this blog to share REAL every day life of a wife, mother and woman. It is my nature to want to be motivational in the process. When the fact of the matter is I was anything but motivational over the last week and had no desire to write about something uplifting. And in thinking that was the only way I should write this blog, I avoided it. I have physically felt terrible which does not help one's mindset no matter who you are. I was also faced with battles with health insurance companies for about the millionth time, found out about some frustrating unexpected new bills I had no clue how I was going to pay and yet again gained the 4lbs I have gained and lost about 10 times in the last several months. And then the every day tasks had to be taken care of such as tending to kids, doctors appointments, running a family business and managing our family unit. I found myself going into old habits of avoiding people, dealing with issues and not being overly happy. Oh how easy it is to allow ourselves to slip back into a “funk” as I call it.
Since the stalker, I don’t deal with stress very well at all. I either avoid things, which is so not my personality, or I allow even the stupid junk of every day life to totally and completely get the best of me. Instead of picking my head up and dusting myself off, I tend to lean towards sulking, dwelling and seclusion. For being a social butterfly, that doesn’t make much sense I know. I guess this just goes to show how one horrific moment in our life can impact us in ways we could never imagine or understand for that matter.
Now granted, I didn’t feel good…infact I have felt like complete garbage for several days. But the gist of what I’m getting at is that I found myself not only dwelling on that fact but so many other stupid things that were going wrong instead of what was going right. I also found myself coming up with every excuse in the world as to why I didn’t “have time” to write my blog each day, something I enjoy and find tremendously fulfilling. Yet again, I avoided taking care of me in a way that could make me a BETTER and stronger me! Especially as women, why do we do that to ourselves? Why do we not take care of the “ME” within us but yet always find time to tend to everything and everyone else? And then use that as the excuse, ultimately saying we aren’t as important as anyone or anything else? Honestly, if I may say it every so bluntly, that is just a bunch of crap! There is not one woman that I wouldn’t say that to because I can look at them and know how amazing and special they are for the mere reason that God created them. Yet, when it comes to me, I am equally guilty and it is no easy task to change.
I have always been told that if we can’t love and give to ourselves we will not be able to love and give to others 100%. I think that is very true. Because as much as I give and give, I know I could be a better friend sometimes, I could be a calmer Mom at times and I certainly could be a better wife to my husband most of the time. And it is usually in those moments, when I am not doing the best job I can possibly do for others, that I find I am not believing in me or being giving and loving enough to myself. Joseph Marmion said, “Joy is the echo of God’s life within us.” We can’t expect to share our light with others if we can’t even value the light that God put within each and every one of us. So ask yourself each day, “Do I value the light within me?” And then ask “If I’m not valuing that, what’s it gonna take so that I will?” And then make the choice to DO IT! You’re worth it.
Shine on!
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