HOLY MOLY! I DID IT!
About 4 years ago I decided to make a list of things I was afraid of and/or needed to overcome. As I've mentioned the experience I had with my stalker completely changed who I was and the person I would grow to be. Prior to that experience in my life I used to live for anything that got my adrenalin going and since I experienced all I did with that situation, I decided I had lived through enough adrenalin rushes for a lifetime so I began to avoid anything and EVERYTHING that made me feel that "rush." I used to love scary movies (Halloween was one of my favorite holidays), amusement parks and all the scary rides were awesome and I didn't think twice about going anywhere or doing anything alone. Anything that challenged me, no matter if in my career, personal goals, etc. was what I lived for in life.
In the last several years I began to live my life "safe." By "safe" I not only mean I have become an expert in personal safety, but I also find myself avoiding anything with adventure or risk at all costs. I knew deep inside I wanted to overcome this and get back to the old me the best I could and that is when the "Fear List" was created.
#4 on that list was to ride a roller coaster. Seems simple enough to the average person, but to me I remembered how I used to feel when rushing down those big hills and for that brief moment how out of control one really is. I don't like to be out of control when it comes to my safety AT ALL! That feeling is what has caused an immense amount of panic and anxiety attacks where I literally feel like I will die at any moment.
So when my family went to Holiday World recently in Santa Claus, IN, I knew the first thing we had to do was get on a darn coaster and get #4 on my list over with! My husband and step-son were extremely supportive although I know it is very hard for them sometimes to understand why I react the way I do to basic life things. Out of breathe from anxiety and eyes closed, we took off and yes, I LITERALLY thought I was going to die! I ended the ride pinching my arms to make sure I was still alive, about passed out and then I hid behind my sunglasses while I cried my eyes out as we walked to the next one. I will never be able to describe what that level of fear does to my mind and body. But none the less I DID IT and #4 was checked off the list! We went onto ride 2 more coasters and several very scary rides and I even enjoyed myself again. It was AWESOME!
Now I've got some momentum. I've since checked #1 off my list and conquered walking/running on a trail in a nearby park that I was petrified of doing by myself and I can't wait to do it again because it really was beautiful. I'm working on #20 right now as I prepare for RUNNING in a race which I've chosen to do a 5k in Nashville's Race for the Cure.
To many, these things seem small and insignificant but to me they seem like a mountain to climb and a huge life obstacle to overcome so I can get some of the "old Amy Mae" back that was robbed and enjoy even more of the small stuff in life. So what's on your list? I'd love you to share and let us know when you can check it off your list so we can cheer for such an awesome accomplishment. And remember, no matter how small or big it may seem to others, life is about how you are letting your light shine and not about what anyone else thinks!
Shine On!
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